Yeah, I went there.
OK, so OCD presents certain challenges with various areas of life. For me, I have a struggle sometime with masturbation. I can't do it with my Grandma's wedding ring on. It just feels wrong. I take it off.
I will always use a latex glove or plastic bag to prevent contamination.
I feel slightly guilty.
I feel dirty, even though I am a virgin. I feel like I've contaminated certain things I touch. I have gotten over this, but I used to take a shower afterwards to "cleanse" myself. I'd feel like my clothes were contaminated.
I worry about having wrong thoughts, or that I'm committing a sin.
It's frustrating, because even thought this is a normal part of life, and not wrong, there is so much guilt and feeling of wrongdoing sometimes. I know I am not a dirty person, and that I am not bad, but there is still so much guilt and feeling of contamination. I'm getting better, but it can be really frustrating to have to deal with perceived contamination and sin, whether real or imagined.
Masturbation historically has been fraught with secrecy, guilt, and judgement. It is very natural, but especially to OCD sufferers, it brings special challenges as we associate it with contamination, sin, and guilt.
The only thing I can do is offer my experience, and tell you that I still think I am a good person, even thought I struggle with my guilt and thoughts. I don't know if this will help anyone, but please know that if you struggle with fears, doubt and guilt, you are not alone. And you are still a good person.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
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12 comments:
yes you are right it is a symptom of ocd you will have fear of god if u r masturbating or doing anything which will be called unreligious like masterbation , watching porn.
read my blog it will help you
http://ocdcure.blogspot.com/
whats the reason why you're a virgin?
from another virgin
YAY this is the first time I have come across anyone discussing this issue! It causes me a LOT of anxiety, especially given the fact that I think my OCD makes my sexual appetite higher than would be considered normal. I'm in therapy but there's no way I could discuss this with anyone. I'm in a long-distance (different countries!) relationship, so u can imagine the problem. I sympathise with a lot of what u have written: I am terrified of thinking blasphemous thoughts while engaged in the act, and I too feel dirty during and after. I need a shower, performed in a certain way before I feel decent again. Handling of worn clothing/underwear then becomes an issue, the shower takes so long the water runs cold... a few times the shower req'd took 3 hours. Those aspects almost make it just not worth doing, but that's trying to go against millions of years of evolution!! As u mentioned, it feels like a sinful act, and I need to apologise mentally for thinking about it/about doing it, any blaspemous thoughts before or after until I shower, and while showering! If money isnt too tight (it usually is) I find it preferable to use the 'services' of a professional rather than 'help myself'. An expensive idea. Trouble is, if I don't do anything about it (most of the time I'd prefer not to because of the anxiety and associated problems) my body makes its own arrangements!
OCD is strongly motivated by emotions (and most of us were thinking it is mental) and guilt is a strong negative emotion. Of course it would be wonderful if all we had to do is get rid of guilt and the OCD would vanish, but it don't work that way. However guilt usually plays a big role (especially for those having blasphemous thoughts). THe problem with OCD'ers is they take things so personal, they already hold on to their emotions. While it can a bit complex to work through, these things can be released. The Doc is signing off
I have found that the more you actually get closer to other people, the less OCD I have behaved, at least when it comes to sex. When I was first sexually active, I was OBSESSED with HIV and STDs, but as I educated myself and had more sex, I got a lot better about it. It's sort of hard, as I have found, to be sexually aroused and OCD at the same time, especially if someone is about to kiss you and you really like that person.
The contamination thing is my big OCD problem too. I feel dirty and imagine that the "stuff" got everywhere and it's been like that for three years now. I've been to therapy and it DID help but now I think it's coming back. To be afraid of masturbation is not an easy thing when you're a teenager! During the worst days I would sit on my bed with gloves on my hands and open doors with my elbow and stuff like that.
This blog was a good idea. Thanks.
Sadly, my ocd boyfriend thinks Im contaminated. It effects our sex life and any intimacy. How do I cope with this? I want to feel loved and want to be touched. OCD is so cruel.
oh my GOD i cannot believe what i am reading!!!
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD WITH THIS PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHH! I AM FEELING A SUDDEN RUSH OF EXHILERATION THAT OTHERS HAVE GONE THRU THIS TOO! *SIGH*
Thank all of you! I thought I was the only one with this problem. I am suffering terriable now and don't know what to do. I avoid touching things which have been contaminated, I always were gloves to touch everything, always washing my body/hands. This blog is vital for people with type of ocd.
I am a 35 year old married Strait male that was just diagnosed with OCD & bipolar. I have been playing with my rear end since i was about 12 years old i always wanted to stop doing it but i couldn't i think i now know why it might be my OCD. I started taking seroquel and it is really helping. Good luck everyone
I had OCD with masturbation too, not only being careful from the scare that i could be infected or transmit germs from my own sperm to my belongings or clothes but more seriously it was the ejectculation pattern. Ejectculation pattern is the ritual which i made up that, at the end of masturbation I must ejectculate shoot out the white semen strongly (like a pornstar) otherwise (if I dribble or color of semen not really white) I MUST attempt to do the masturbation again until I get a successful pattern.. This put me in the hell of an endless masturbation loop for a long long time. I was so exhausted to live normal life back then.
Now I still suffer from Minor OCDs very little, (needs perfection of things that I buy) but I got over this crazy masturbation loop. I am very happy now and only masturbate when I am really horny. When I think about the past, and the rituals that I created, it was a total nonsense and I just laugh it off. Trust me over time, OCD really goes away, but its a big challenge when it locks it down to your brain. So keep fighting!! and never lose hope!
PS. Albert Einstein said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them" So that means if something locks you up, totally change ur mind and think totally different towards it than you will definitly unlock it! Good luck!
for so, so long, i have searched and searched for others with this specific form of OCD. semen is my #10 and has caused unexplainable pain and frustration - and has kept me from getting close to other people, as friends or lovers. i "know" that sex is not "dirty" or shameful, but can't convince my emotional side that it is a healthy part of life - alone or with others. for me it has to to do with the shame i felt as a teenager, before coming out. even though i do not hide my orientation, the ocd seems to have been imprinted on my behavior, and many years of therapy and medication have not altered that. the fear of being with someone has kept me in the loop of rituals (showering, cleaning, showering, avoiding clothes, how to wash clothes......). yes, getting closer to people is a risk, but right now i can't see past the ocd to get closer, because i don't know what would happen if i found someone i did care about. as with all forms of ocd, at some point, i will hopefully be able to take the risk - and realize that i don't need to run from the disorder - or life - forever. thank you all!
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