My apologies for the LONG lapse in blog updates. Thank you, though, to all of you faithful who have continued to comment and check! I have been so encouraged by the comments and emails I receive - it just shows me that we are not alone in our struggles, even though sometimes our symptoms seem so private and unique.
My job as an insurance agent has been going very well. I still have the same struggles - worrying about if I touched something after another female touched it, thoughts about if I brushed up against a female, etc., but luckily I've been able to avoid ridiculous amounts of handwashing thanks in part to a) being tethered to a phone all day, and b) not wanting to be obviously OCD in public. Of course, sometimes I'm able to just "not care" or turn off the OCD thoughts as well.
My insurance should kick in pretty soon, and then I hope to eventually get back into therapy. I always enjoyed therapy - you can get thoughts off your chest, feel encouraged, and develop coping skills to fight the OCD.
I should mention something about my last post - I had put a list of people that had annoying tendecies that annoyed me as an OCD-er, such as "Clicky McClickerson". I did not in any way mean to offend or cause insecurity to anyone whose OCD actually causes them to BE Clicky, etc. I just thought it was a funny little way of pegging the people who usually trigger my OCD, not offend anyone whose OCD might cause them to be Clicky, etc. My apologies if that was in any way insensitive.
On a different note, is there anything I can blog about that would be of any help to anyone? For example, is there any symptom you might want to ask me about, or any part of my experience I can share? Is there anything you'd like to see on this blog that is not currently here?
21 comments:
I know this is a bit off the wall, but I'm studying OCD at the moment and quite interested in working in mental health, and just wondered if you had any thoughts/opinions on medications, or any stories about how they affected you. I know it's quite a private question & one you can certainly choose to ignore; I would just love to learn if you do have some thoughts on it.
Hi, my name is Ziyan and I am a student at the Fashion Institute of Technology in NY. I was wondering if you would be willing to help me with one of my final projects, which I am writing about the topic of obsessions. I would like to interview you for a profile story about your OCD. Please let me know if that would be possible!
My email is: ziyan_ding@fitnyc.edu
Thank you!
Hi -- I have had OCD for forever and I worry my 10 year old now has it, just not as bad. I count. It is so annoying because I count in my head constantly. I feel if I don't do it, something bad will happen to someone close to me. I have to do it in a certain fashion and it can't land on certain numbers. For instance, I can count by 2's but I have to count something that doesn't end in 6. Or I can count by 3's and not land on 18...because that would be 6 three times and that's bad luck. God, I feel insane writing this. I also organize, line things up label out, facing a certain way and fold things, such as laundry a certain way, no creases. If I think I didn't do it right, I have to go back and redo it.
I have "outs" with my ocd. I make my own rules up and change them sometimes. Like, I made the rule that if I don't look back at the towel I folded, then if I did it wrong, it won't matter. But if I look at it and see it's wrong, then I have to redo it.
It started as a very, very young child and I remember it began with counting the number of times I blinked my eyes.
I have trouble sometimes reading other people's OCD struggles because it gives me "ideas." But I enjoyed reading your blog and don't feel so alone now.
I have rituals, such as knocking on wood three times or saying a certain phrase.
I'm in therapy and have tried numnerous medications but so far, nothing has really helped.
Hay, I've got OCD and one thing I do is make something. Something deemable as 'perfect' as far as my compulsions go and I allways keep it with me. It really helps! I use a really small piece of a 5€ note with a red dot in marker pen on one side.
Hi
My boyfriend is suffering with really really bad OCD.
Iv just been on the phone to him right now and im a little upset now because he is stressed and depressed cuz of a night out we went with friends. he was up until 6 in the morning last night washing the bed he had slept in and the clothes, himself etc.
He has been suffering since he was about 7 and was eventually diagnosed with Severe OCD.
One day a miracle happened, he got better! I met him within this time. Now unfortunately its back with a vengeance and its angry!
Its based around people who upset him and anyone connected to those people, they all make him want to wash. He remembered on that night out that one of the people who upset him goes to these places sometimes therefore all the clubs are contaminated. so now we cant go to clubs any more and our favourite restaurants, pubs, streets are all included in the list of no-go places.
There are thousands of other things that make him wash and sometimes he keeps me at arms length when he thinks i am contaminated which really upsets me but at the end of the day i just have to cope with it.
He is doing a different type of treatment to cognitive behavioural therapy that i hope is gonna work much better than CBT. It is all based around "the route cause"
My boyfriend argued that CBT is stupid because it is dealing with the rituals rather than the reason WHY he is washing in the first place. His dad was the one who found this therapist who helped him find out exactly what started this whole thing in the first place.
Now he is in the process of dealing with the early days. it turned out that because he was bullied when he was younger it upset him and explains why it is certain people who now make him want to wash. when he accepts the past he should be on the road to recovery. and thats the part i am looking forward to. it was only the last therapy session he was at that they figured out the route cause so now i am praying that it will soon be over.
I feel better now, i needed to get that off my chest
Thanks
ps. i recommend this type of therapy to anybody suffering with this problem. its a hell of alot more pleasant than CBT to say the least.
The cure for OCD, the most vital part!
I had OCD my whole life, then four years ago I started to do a lot of research on it. I started looking up other people who had 'really' cured it and here are some of the things we did, and they really work! Let's talk about them now...
I remember, when I was afraid to put my finger prints on anything because I was afraid that if a crime was committed around where I left my finger print, that I may be wrongfully accused.
I remember someone had let me borrow some dvd's. I grabbed them without thinking and then I thought of my finger prints.
I got a lot of anxiety and then said to myself, "What a minute! I'm afraid that if I leave my finger prints on these dvd's that if a crime ever happens at my friends house, they're going to dust for prints on the dvd's and I'm going to go to jail for something I didn't do! Ha!
When I said it to myself, out loud is better, you hear how ridiculous it is and you can't help but laugh. Also telling someone else really helps your brain to look at it in a different way. So one secret to curing OCD is to cause your brain to see it in a different way by making it look ridiculous to you, which will make your brain naturally question your actions.
At this point you are then able to retrain your brain a different way, because you have opened your brain up to the possibility that what you are doing may be the wrong thing.
So when I looked back down at the dvd's I not only refused to do my ritual of using the end of my sleeves to handle the dvd's, I defied my ritual and put an excessive amount of prints on them.
This huge wave of anxiety came over me like, ya, this is fun, but I have to wipe those off later. Then I said, no, and I touched the inside of the case and the cd and everywhere so that I couldn't possibly remember where are the finger prints were, now I was past the point of no return. I could not control it and I had to "let it go."
So I just said to myself, "What's done is done!" and "I don't care, I know this is not productive and I'm tired of doing things I don't want to do and I refuse to give into rituals anymore, lol I don't care, do your worst fear!"
I then realized that I just feared fear itself and I got this feeling like, man this is going to bother me, but I find that whenever I said that to myself, It never bothered me as long as I thought it would and I would eventually forget and that's the key.
After I defied my ritual with the dvd's and did what was most uncomfortable to me, which was exposing myself to my fear and going through it, once I went through it, I came out on the other side a free man! I felt like I was free, that I could do anything!
It's the most exhilarating experience and now, if OCD ever tries to come up during high anxiety situations, I get excited because I get to use this at will and I have used it to overcome numerous fears with lasting success.
This is not some therapy you need to pay someone for, this is a technique that you can have in your toolbox that you can use anytime you may feel OCD come up.
At first it will be hard, but after a while it gets so easy, and then you may spend several months forgetting you even had OCD, it's crazy. I know this works, it's not theory, it worked for me, it's worked for my colleagues. This is the real deal.
Stop looking for the answer, this is it. If you skip this over, you have just skipped over the most vital part of the cure...
Derek J. Soto
you can find me at
http://www.ocd-gone-in-seven-days.com
I couldn't agree more derek, but things like this are true more than ever for me. I have rigid compulsions and make my own rules whenever I go on the PC or play a videogame but I find changing the rules easy now I understand myself better... Like if I refused to jump in a certain game according to these rules I'll do something like say crouch in the middle of the jump, then it isn't a proper jump.
OCD is really all about understanding oneself and as Oscar Wilde once said 'In this lifetime the only peorson I truly want to thoroughly know is myself'
I have had ocd for as long as I can remember, I make not only myself crazy but everyone around me. Recently I noticed that for example when I tell someone the time, I will say ” its about 2:22 “, reason being that I dont know if its the exact time or actually 2:22 and 18 seconds, also if the time is actually 2:23 (drove me nuts even typing it) its a negative ands thats not ok. Above all though I am afraid of germs. When I go to a family members house ( I love my family) I refuse to sit on furniture that has fabric because I believe that it holds germs and dust mites. Also, I will not eat or drink anything while I am there. I hate that this makes me seem rude but otherwise I would just start flipping out which is worse.
To the girl who wrote about her boyfriend that can not go to any places that people he doesnt like go. I am the same way, the more I do not like someone the more germy I consider them to be, but I was not bullied as a child. My husband has a hard time with my limitations also, but he means everything to me and we have grown into a very strong marriage. So stick in there, and good luck.
You can add me to your links if you want. I just started my OCD blog.
hey wow this is really cool the the other day i was feeling really depressed about my ocd and so i looked up ocd blogs on you tube idk for support or something i didn't see your's come up thenand kinda felt fed up about the lack of real life experiances of teens like me dealing with ocd so i decided to stat my own blog with the same purpose as yours almost exactly only for fellow teens. i've only made one post so far but soon will be sure to make more. here's the link if you or anybody else for that manner wants to check it out. http://ocdteenblogger.blogspot.com that's so cool you're doing this too we hould start an ocd revolution hehehe ;} thank you so much for writing too you've really inspired me. :}
I love this blog. This one and Leila's hypo's blog are amazing. Im from Argentina and have been living in the US for less than 2 years now -in case you care. I had to live with a big time OCD person and it was hell for both of us. I think you're different than her in the aspect that you actually suffer from it and don't like it; this girl thought the whole world was wrong and she was the only one right.
However, Im a big time pessimistic and Im also obsessive in a different way, I am a hypochondriac as Leila. But I'm a hypo of life. I'm a big negative person and reading thinks like this inspire me to start a blog about it. I have a blog in Spanish and another -less written in English-
I don't know the reason why you're a virgin -I haven't figured out how old are you- but I feel you, I'm a 24-year old virgin turning 25 in a few days/
Ill keep on reading your whole blog. Im laught with it and admire your honesty.
Lucia
*I laugh with it- I meant :)
So i dont know if you read these still or not but i have a BAD obsession with counting. I cant tell you when it started but it has been a looonnnggg time. I mean i can tell you exactly how many tiles are in what building...how many patterns in what...I count the number of straight lines it takes to make up a word or a number i count the facial expressions on a persons face when i am talking to them. I HATE it. I mean i literally count everything...the light poles driving down the road...it is ridiculous. Everything has to be even in numbers and i like it to all end with 20. If not then it has to have a 3 in it. Sometimes i will divide and multiply to make it work. I feel so alone and i dont tell many people about it bc they think i am wacko or something. I mean im sure people wonder why when i am talking to them why i am staring at the ceiling--- I am usually counting the tiles....lol But i hide this very well, usually the reaction that i get after i tell someone is something like really?? I never noticed that you do that. I am just glad to know that there is someone else out there that has a problem like this too. Let me know sometime if you want to talk i would be interested in hearing some more.
joledalynn@hotmail.com
Hi theOCDblogger and folks
I'm currently writing a book on how to heal from obsessions and OCD - I had this condition for over 20 years but kept it buried and about 5 years ago was diagnosed with 'complex OCD'. I devised my own healing plan (I think another commentator on the blog has done something similar - must go check out the site).
By the time I'd finished I'd cleared 27 obsessions, about 5 phobias and panic attacks (I was also suffering with depression which I wasn't aware of as I'm one of the most 'positive minded' people I know).
I expect to finish the book around February next year but at the moment I'm writing up a section on the 'normal emotional process' because my experience tells me we forget how the normal process works and what we're supposed to do once we become emotionally ill.
I'll be putting it up on my blog within a month in the 'freebies' section - there aren't many freebies in there at the moment so it won't be hard to find. I'd appreciate your feedback on it.
There's a mistake I think we all make when we look at obsessions and OCD and that is we think it's in our brains - I think the problem lies in our bodies and is caused by trapped emotions wanting to escape but our brains won't let them out.
Regards.
Carl
The way derek described his purposeful exposure to his fears (ERP) is unfortunately not what happens when I do it. His description is exactly as the psychologists describe but when I do something like that, I don't get a rush of anxiety at all. My mind just instantly disregards that obsession, there is no anxiety. I didn't feel any improvement after doing that kind of therapy for several months...
I guess we aren't all so lucky.
Hellooo, another OCD-person here o/
I have "suffered" from OCD from around the age of 10- when I started rituals of knocking against wood until a certain number (or rather until I felt "satisfied"), avoiding cracks, counting, confessing all kinds of crap etc etc.
Now that I am a bit older (28) I seem to have developed a better understanding of myself and the OCD. It's really due to great (and hilarious! I must add) blogs such as yours, and well just so much useful information on the internet.
I stumbled across your blog tonight and couldn't start reading, while laughing my arse off because I KNOW what it feels like!! At the moment it's not the actual compulsions that's such a problem-, I seem to be able to resist most of these- but more a matter of obsessive, intrusive thoughts (very inappropriate visually at times) that drives me up the wall. Thanks for making me smile :)
Ps. It seems to run in our family (OCD), the more the merrier I reckon!...
My daughter is almost 19 and have severe OCD. I have tried getting help for her in the past, but she refused as talking about it, will increase the possibility of her fears becoming reality.
She has the constant fear of vomiting (emetophobia). She will hold her breath if she's in the room with a sick person, especially if it's gastro.
She performs the ritual of washing her hands over and over, because she doesn't remember doing it right the first, second or third times. She also knocks on her head in sections, as part of her ritual, this started because she couldn't find wood to knock on. She has the fear of becoming pregnant, even though she is a virgin. She wont sit on the toilet seat with fear of becoming pregnant from male members of the household, meaning she will have a separate soap in the shower.
She believes that if someone is seriously ill or has cancer and she doesn't show enough sympathy, then she will be cursed with even worse illness than that person. She has come to me for help because she is exhausted with arguing with her thoughts, every day is a battle for her. We are currently seeking help and our first appointment is booked for April 2009.
Hello Anonymous,
I read your posts and my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I personally have struggled with extreme ocd symptoms for years, and I finally found something that has helped me. I tried so many different meds, but none even came close to helping me, and I ended up just feeling more agitated. I also like the more natural approach, not into side effects. I also like to get to the root of problems, not just bandaid them. The lady that worked with me on my ocd teaches free online classes, and the next class is called "Stressed Out" which deals with ocd, depression, phobias, anxiety, etc. She has worked with over 1000 people on these types of symptoms, and has found the common denominator to be a thin myelin sheath and a weak liver. If you're interested in knowing more, then please email me at c_rullman@yahoo.com
I have a close family friend, sister practically, who just last month found out she has OCD. As far as I know she doesn't compulsively wash her hands or think she's pregnant (she's in 2nd grade), but she always feels like she is going to swallow something. She asks about nails holding pictures on the walls, the odds of swallowing a fork or other utensil, and will often wake her mother up late at night because she thinks her room is unsafe. Her friend's mother recently was hospitalized because of some infection or something in her throat, I don't know all the details, but it was right around the time this kid started getting seriously worried about swallowing something. Has anyone else heard of or gone through a similar obsession?
Hi,
I have been suffering from OCD for the past 30 years . I only realised it this year. My searches over the internet over the emotional pain that I have been carrying all these year confirmed that what i have is OCD. I started a blog to talk about it at http://www.ocdminds.com .
My main problem is the automated unwanted negative thoughts that always relate back to sex during religious times... It makes me sick.
on a lighter note, i have this OCD right now. Every time i park my car, i pull the doors to check of there are locked or not. After i confirm, i walk away and i feel compelled to go back again and check. I need to do it 4 or 5 times. When i feel need to do more, then i just use the remote to test the lock. Then i need to go in again to check it. It makes me look like a fool at the car park when people giving you one type of look. It looks very funny but so irritating for me.
I have been having all sorts of thoughts ever since i am young. Some are gone over the time and some are alived right at this point of time.
I am doing a recollection of the OCD symptoms that i had over the years which i have completely overcomed and the recent ones that i am strugling with in my blog. Please feel free to visit and share some thoughts too.
Thank you.
Ruben
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