Yeah, I've gone for too long without posting. But thank you to all who have stopped here in the meantime, and left your posts. I value all of them, and am encouraged that this blog can be of some interest to you!
I am still struggling with washing my hands a lot, and worrying about sexual contamination from people of my own gender. I have switched to Ivory aloe bar soap, which, while of course not helping to assuage the symptoms, has lessened the chapping of my hands. If you can't be cured, at least be moisturized, that's my motto.
I'm still struggling with counting. Whether it's pushing buttons on my cell phone, rewinding scenes in a movie on dvd, or yet again washing my hands, I still have the feeling that I have to do things a certain amount of times. Grr.
Is there anything you are struggling with right now?
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
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12 comments:
I am struggling with handwashing, excessive showering, and worry that I am not doing everything to help myself. I'm trying to find a face-to-face support group. Being able to read and comment on your blog is helpful to me right now because I feel it is the best I can do today. Thank you for the opportunity to comment on your blog.
today I came across a lady who spat on the pavement. I got totally uncomfy and started imagining how many times I have unknowingly stepped on spit and made my shoes n bottom of my jeans dirty.... =(
-www.wondermind.wordpress.com
First of all, I want to say that your blog is wonderfully written and, even if it's not a cure, reading it helps me deal with my own OCD from day to day. I am only a couple of years younger than you, and I have suffered from a wide array of OCD fears/compulsions: fearing I was pregnant when I was younger (mostly afraid of getting pregnant from the pool at camp), having to rewrite things that didn't look pretty or were smudged, washing and rewashing my hands in a public restroom (very difficult to explain to friends who don't know about my problem), and constant apologizing. I am in my senior year of college and this is the first really bad bout of my OCD since getting to college, which makes me fear how I'll handle being in the 'real world' with my disorder. My most current fear is chemicals-if I use bleach I have to take a shower to 'decontaminate' myself'. My roommate has OCD as well (we call our room the nut house, but lovingly), so that makes it a little bit easier to cope. Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your bravery in writing about this disorder and that it has been a real comfort to me.
william - Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to comment on my blog. I can certainly empathize with you about the hand-washing. I think it is very wise that you are looking for a face-to-face support group. I also think it is very admirable that you are trying to do the best you can. I know it can be so hard.
anonymous #1 - Good point. I never thought of that one before. By the way, I checked out your blog, and besides being great, it also reminded me of some of my symptoms that may make for a good next post. Thank you!
anonymous #2 - Thank you so much for sharing! It's amazing how many people share similar symptoms. I'm sure many of us thought we were crazy, or the only ones who had these thoughts, but we're not! It's nice to not feel alone. I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I remember my senior year - I know that's a lot of stress, which probably only makes the OCD worse. It's probably nice, though, that your roommate and you can relate and understand each other. I did go through a "chemical contamination" phase myself (though I don't know how serious it was compared to yours - I don't pretend to fully know other's pain). I hope you are doing well in spite of the OCD. It makes my day that this blog can offer some comfort to you!
Hi there. I have struggled with OCD since the birth of my first child. I was chanting, kissing direct mail pieces before I could recycle them, washing my hands until they cracked and bled and on and on.
What has been helpful for me is a) CBT: facing my OCD and not giving in to the impulses coupled with b) pyschotherapy: figuring out why I need to "control" by ritualizing
Its been a long, expensive road, but I have improved a lot. I flare up from time-to-time, but I can now ask myself what I am feeling out-of-control about and not feel the need to ritualize (as much).
I empathize with all of you. I hope that you find relief.
anonymous #3 - Thank you for stopping by! It's interesting that your OCD started after the birth of your first child. It's not strange, mind you - my OCD therapist (who has OCD himself) developed his after the birth of his child. I just don't usually get to meet people that haven't had OCD since they were little. I'm very glad that CBT and psychotherapy have helped you. Thank you for your empathy and well-wishing, and stopping by!
Hi, I just found your blog. I just want to say that I can identify with the rewindng scenes of a movie on DVD. I suffered severely from OCD as a teenager. I noticed symptoms as early as the 3rd grade. I have it under control now as an adult. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and I look forward to reading future posts.
Sally
hey i am new at this, but i feel like getting my ocd thoughts out into the open might help. (i am willing to try anything)i am only 16 and i have been diagnosed with ocd, bipolar , depression and add and paranioa. i hate it i cannot do anything with my life i cannot get away from my ocd its everwhere it here right now as i type i have to delete words and write them again. my ocd controls my life. my ocd made me tell my best friend that we couldnt be friends, we are now friends again but she was very hurt. my therapist thinks its due to some childhood trauma. wich could be a possibility but where would i start i have had so many traumatic events in my life i wouldnt no where to begin. my main ocd right now is the fear that i will become another person. i know i should probly stop typing now but i cant so bare with me. i had this boyfriend of 1 and a half years and we were in love so in love that all my ocd focused on not fucking it up so anytime i thought someone was a threat to our relationship whether they new him hated him liked him my ocd picked ppl for me to fear and i did. i would avoid looking at there pictures on myspace and if i did i would have to go back a page and then back to the page with her picture until i felt (my ocd felt) satisfied that i could move on. then one day my boyfriend called me and left a message saying he had feelings for another girl. i prayed that it wasnt someone i had ocd about because that would just tell me ocd was right. and turns out it was someone i had had ocd about. not only that but it wasnt a very likely suspect. so how am i supposed to convince my self that ocd is all bullshit if that stuff happens. ok im done now thankyou for letting my vent. oh and about the handwashing thing i have had that going on since i was 7 or so, and now i stick to liquid i have to pump it out a buch but i find the counting the amount of pumps rather than the amount of times you have to spin the bar in your hand is easier to keep track of.
~JO
Sally - Thank you for commenting and sharing about your experience with OCD. You said that you suffered severely with OCD during your teenage years - just out of curiosity, when were you diagnosed or made aware of your OCD? I'm just curious. I wasn't diagnosed until half-way through my senior year in high school, and suddenly all the symptoms that I'd been suffering since early grade school made sense. I'm glad that you have it under control now. Thank you for your encouragement - probably the greatest thing we can give each other as OCD suffers is the security of knowing we're not alone. And hopefully people will see that even though you suffered severely with OCD, you are doing well now - there is hope! Thank you!
JO - My heart goes out to you - I know how bad my OCD and depression can be, but you are suffering with three other challenges besides those. You are very strong to even be able to function enough to type a comment on this blog, even though your OCD is telling you to go back and re-type things. Your comment brings encouragement to me, and I appreciate the frustration you had to go through to share your thoughts. I'm sorry you've had such a rough time with OCD and your friends and boyfriend. I hope your friends are able to see that you are not your OCD - that you are fighting a very hard battle, and that even though your struggles may affect them, it's not your fault and you are doing the best you can.
You mentioned that with your boyfriend, something that you OCD'd about really happened. I've often wondered how I'd feel if something I'd OCD'd about came to pass - for example, how would I feel if my OCD told me to turn the lights on and off 4 times or else my parents would die, and then I resisted turning the lights on and off, and my parents actually died? That's a tough one. I don't know how to encourage you there - sometimes our OCD and reality coincide in such a way that it looks like we (or our OCD) caused something to happen. The best thing I can say is that many therapists (mine included) have often reminded us that our thoughts can't affect reality - our thoughts are just thoughts (though very frustrating).
I also thank you for your suggestion about the soap - you are right, it is easier to count the pumps than the turns of the bar of soap. Now if I can just find a really cheap, non-drying pump soap!
Hi there, i have had OCD since i was a child, yet have never been officially diagnosed as don't see any point really. I'd just like to add... It annoys me how ppl say it is an illness. I mean, yes it is BUT people are 'allowed' in society to believe in Witchcraft/spells and things liek that to try to make things happen or not happen. Life and the universe is bigger then we know, and who is to say we are wrong and our rituals don't work? -I know alot of us would choose to not use OCD to control things as it can be hard at times, but at the same time, we do like it because it gives us control. By the way, does anybody else use food to control things aswell? With me it is all linked together. OCD is tireing... but maybe it is real? Nobody can tell us for 100% it's not. Oh and i can also relate to the rewinding dvds etc!! Does anybody have a thing with their breathing? I inhale whilst looking at 'good' things, and exhale looking at 'bad' things. Am sure this can't be good for me! I also think i know how my OCD started if anybody is interested? Anna
Anna - Thank you for your comment! You bring up a good point with the things people are "allowed" to believe in. As far as the OCD and control thing goes, I only speak for myself, but if my OCD was real and really did control things, everyone in the world would be dead, because I can't even follow my rules all the time, even when they involve life and death. :)
It's nice to know I'm not alone on the DVD thing, although I'd never wish that symptom on you, of course. I don't do the reading thing, but I used to do a similar thing years ago - when I read the Bible, especially when it was a passage about curses or demons, I'd make sure that the last thing I read was about a blessing, or something good, like "Lord Jesus Christ".
And I would love to hear how your OCD started if you wanted to share. You can comment on the blog or email me - whatever method would be better for you!
Hey
I also am OCD. I was my hands and have to step over cracks with my left foot and go through door ways right foot first. i have other rituals that come and go, and some really odd phobias, such as people touching my head and feet.
I have some good hand soap!
Its method. I'm not sure if it dries out hands, because my hands are naturally moisturized. (I dont know why.) But I always put lotion on my hands after which really helps.
this is such a comforting blog to know im not super crazy. Thank you so much for being brave/strong enough to write about this. Its helpful.
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