Courage

Those of us with OCD know how hard it can be to break through the barrier of fear to tell someone about our struggles.  This disorder thrives on secrecy and embarrassment.  We fear rejection and being labeled, and this can bring feelings of isolation, depression, and shame.  But those OCDers who have broken through their fears and shared their story can tell you that it brings a sense of freedom and relief to have other people know about what they considered their "secret" for so long.  It feels good to be known on that deeper level, to have people who can support you, and to help others who may be struggling with that same issue, but who haven't shared their story yet. 

I received an email tonight from a young person who asked me to post his/her story on this blog.  I want to thank this person for sharing - you never know who you can help by honestly revealing your struggles.  (Usually it turns out that many others are struggling with the same thing, but thought they were the only one.)  It took this person a while to work up the courage to share his/her story, and I hope you will show love and support in the comments!  I've posted it below exactly as it was written:

I have OCD. No doubt. I'm a 13 year old kid soon going into highschool. When i tell the few people i have told that i am diagnosed with OCD, they don't understand. "Oh, so you have to be really clean?" is the common response i get after telling people i have the obsessive-compulsive disorder. Nobody really realizes what OCD is until they have it. There are minor cases, and major cases. Mine is extremely major, at least to me. YOU, yourself, is the only one who can tell or not if your symptoms are high. I know inside that i am, due to the overtaking of my life. My life has been extremely difficult while trying to avoid this life-taking experience. I can't do simple tasks that most can do, without spending hours or days on it. Sounds crazy coming from a young kid like me, but trust me. As much as washing my hands could take 45 minutes to an hour. Putting something away usually has to be done 4 or 6 times. Not 5, i do nothing odd. I can't read a book without reading each page at least 18 times. My family is somewhat creeped out by it. They confront help for me, but i avoid everything, due to my OCD telling me to. It's almost impossible to even type my feelings right now, because of the amount of times i have to press the spacebar. If i swaer, that means a full night of praying, and no sleep until the sun rises. Sounds like religion, but no, pure rituals. I cry everynight. I need help. I feel trapped, i feel scared. I read "theocdblogger" and feel connection That's why i want to share my story with everyone else. If you have OCD out there, stop it before it takes over your life. Take it from a 13 year old. 

OCD Opportunity

(From time to time, I get notices about OCD-related events. I will post them on here for you to take advantage of if you so choose.)

"IS OCD RUINING YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Nationally Syndicated Health & Wellness show in NY is looking for people with OCD. Is you/your spouse's OCD so bad that its taking over your life and ruining your marriage? Can’t go anywhere because one of you has an intense fear of germs? Is the obsession to be clean has paralyzing you from normal daily activity? Does it impede on how they take care of your children? If so, I want to hear from you. Please send your story ASAP to LCTVCasting@gmail.com

Only those willing to share their story on camera should reply."

Truth Be Told: I Have OCD

In September of 2009, TLC ran a miniseries called "Truth Be Told," with hour long episodes about people struggling with various things. One episode was called "I Have OCD." I was one of the three people featured in that episode, and I'm just curious if anyone saw it. It was fun and exhausting to shoot. The producer and camera crew came to my home twice and shot a bazillion hours of footage. They were amazingly nice, and though it was exhausting, it was a good experience. I revealed a lot of very, VERY personal things (much like I do on this blog), but it was even more revealing because I was on camera, using my real name, with no stunt doubles :). I hope it brought some sort of help or comfort or even revelation to someone. Even if it didn't, I'm glad I did it.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Question About OCD and Spirituality

I have a question for any of you fellow OCDers out there who have religious/spiritual beliefs.....what parts of your religion/spirituality do you find to be much tougher because of OCD? For example, reading the Bible is sometimes harder for me because I have to reread things, or end on something positive. Praying is harder for me because I have to say a certain number of things, and certain phrases. These are a few examples from my own life. Is there anything in your practice of your certain belief that OCD makes more difficult?

Attention OCDers!

I am currently involved as a subject in the project mentioned below. They are looking for participants with OCD, and I'm happy to post their casting flyer on my blog. I can tell you they are fantastically nice, and extremely respectful! Please contact them if you'd like to participate.

"Pink Sneakers Productions is currently casting for TLC's new documentary series tentatively titled, "Life Chronicles". Each episode documents the day-to-day lives of people affected by different life experiences. One of our episodes will focus on obsessive-compulsive disorder. We are currently looking for people who have been directly or indirectly (family member of, etc) affected by OCD.
These are unique and sensitive topics to be covered through a true, documentary style format to inform and educate our viewers while preserving respect for all parties involved.
If you, or someone you know may be interested in participating in this project with us and sharing his or her story please contact us at casting@pinksneakers.net and feel free to check out our website at www.pinksneakers.net.
We thank you in advance for sharing your story."

Son of a Twitch

One of my OCD symptoms that annoys the heck out of me has to do with my face and ears. Sometimes I feel like I have to sniff or raise my eyebrows or blink a lot. Sometimes I have to pop my ears a lot.

Have any of you experienced that? Does your medication affect it? How do you stop it? I'm sure I"m not the only one who struggles with this.

Masturbation

Yeah, I went there.

OK, so OCD presents certain challenges with various areas of life. For me, I have a struggle sometime with masturbation. I can't do it with my Grandma's wedding ring on. It just feels wrong. I take it off.

I will always use a latex glove or plastic bag to prevent contamination.

I feel slightly guilty.

I feel dirty, even though I am a virgin. I feel like I've contaminated certain things I touch. I have gotten over this, but I used to take a shower afterwards to "cleanse" myself. I'd feel like my clothes were contaminated.

I worry about having wrong thoughts, or that I'm committing a sin.

It's frustrating, because even thought this is a normal part of life, and not wrong, there is so much guilt and feeling of wrongdoing sometimes. I know I am not a dirty person, and that I am not bad, but there is still so much guilt and feeling of contamination. I'm getting better, but it can be really frustrating to have to deal with perceived contamination and sin, whether real or imagined.

Masturbation historically has been fraught with secrecy, guilt, and judgement. It is very natural, but especially to OCD sufferers, it brings special challenges as we associate it with contamination, sin, and guilt.

The only thing I can do is offer my experience, and tell you that I still think I am a good person, even thought I struggle with my guilt and thoughts. I don't know if this will help anyone, but please know that if you struggle with fears, doubt and guilt, you are not alone. And you are still a good person.